Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
