so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
