I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize