Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
