u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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