she was so not down for the gang bang
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize