If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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