Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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