I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
