Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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