she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
