I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
