do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
