Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We left the knife in your bed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
