She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize