So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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