btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
