i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
