I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
