with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
