Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
