I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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