"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
