so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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