she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
