A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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