I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
