i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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