Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize