apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sober January is a disaster.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
