when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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