Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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