The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
