I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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