life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
