Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
