lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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