this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
