Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
