fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
