I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
