I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
