I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
