Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
