The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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