I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
