I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize