My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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