dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
