Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
