butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize