she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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