So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
