Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
