We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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