She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
