I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
