some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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