I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my being single is dangerous.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
