thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
