babies were throwing up all over the place
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
