My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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