do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
