I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
