I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
