Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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