My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
