I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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