I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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