eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize