my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
