wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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