TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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