i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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