ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I met the friendliest cop last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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