I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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