I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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